Welcolm To Heartbreak

Today, I decided to listen to 808’s and Heartbreak to see if it deserved my money. As I was listening to the songs, I was countered with the fact that I was in his position February 2007.

Now I’m known for throwing a rant or two on this blog but I’ve never really felt the need to get extremely personal until now.

Anyway

In February 2007 a couple days after my 18th birthday, I found out my ex-girlfriend was cheating, approached her about it and we decided at that point to just be friends (which didn’t work cause she would still try to get with the god on the low). I was heartbroken. I wasn’t heartbroken because she had dumped me. I was heartbroken because she was pregnant with my child (I’m kinda skeptical if it was mine though now). Anywho she had a miscarriage shortly afterwards and shit just got grim.

I remember smoking tons of weed, almost being kicked out of high school in my last year for not attending, and just wilding out. I became a complete nothing. Not only did I just get out of a relationship in bad terms but a child, that I thought was mine, was gone too.

I did what Kanye is doing now, relayed that shit through music. At that time, I just wanted to make a short album or ep called “Greetings From Venus”. The idea behind “Greetings From Venus” was the whole “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus thing. As a man I belong on Mars but I was going to Venus or back in the vaginal pool as I like to call it lol.

I was experimenting with synths and some crazy shit just was coming out. I only recorded 3 songs for it. One was called “Always”, it was a sample speed up with a woman singing, “you and me, for always”. And the rap I had written for it basically was saying how for some people always is momentary. Then I did a joint called “Imagination” which really was about focusing on getting that one girl. But my favorite joint I did for it was called “Machine Love”.

I’m not sure if E-Rich remembers this or not ,but one night he stayed the night at my house. We were in the basement fucking around with beats and I played that joint. At that point we were on myspace geeking about comments I was receiving from chicks at that time. So as the song was playing he sings “She saw me on myspace, she said she liked my face” and then I went, “Machine LOVE!!!!”. Mad funny because this chick actually said she liked my face in the comment. Never got to really record that one but I loved it.

Back to Kanye West

I know what he’s going through and what he’s feeling right now. So I understand the record fully. Might not be able to relate to the loss of a mother but I have experienced loss. As for the record I’m only feeling “Say You Will”, “Heartless”, “Paranoid“, “Robocop“, and “Coldest Winter” I think everything else sucks. These songs speak to me for some reason.

Like “Say You Will” was shit I was telling chicks after my ex. I was gaining jumpoffs via the internet and when I met them they’d promise me all this shit. I’d just be like “Really?”. I didn’t trust any girl for a minute. I mean I just didn’t want to get caught up thinking shit was going one way and it was going another. So I started letting the jumpoffs knowing they were jumpoffs.

“Heartless” speaks to me cause I remember seeing the picture of the dude she was cheating on me with. Like Kanye West said “You’ll never find nobody better than me”. I mean that. I could see if he looked better than I but he didn’t. I could see if his pipe game was tight but it obviously wasn’t cause she was calling me back trying to getting something popping off, fuck outta here!.

Now I’m at the “Paranoid” stage in my current relationship. I mean I trust her but I just can’t do it fully. She hasn’t done anything to not have my trust, I’m just one of those “who, where, and what” guys. For example last week she was on the phone. I walked in the room and asked who was she talking to. She was like, “A friend” and I’m like “A friend who?”. She looked at me and said “My friend, Issac”. I thought who the fuck is Issac and told her I didn’t want to be nosey and start anything so I left. So yeah I’m paranoid than a motherfucker. Not because I don’t trust her but because I brought a lot into this relationship and I’d hate to loss it on a bad note. If you doing something, let a nigga know. I’ll say cool and we’ll just be cool.

I just find “Robocop” funny but I completely understand. I’m not a fucking robot and you will not be going through my shit cause I don’t go through yours. I don’t have this problem now but when I was with my cheating ex, I had to remind her that I knew other women besides her. Which kinda makes me feel weird about being paranoid now. Because if I can talk to the opposite sex via internet and phone, why can’t she? Maybe I’m not secure enough for that yet.

And “Coldest Winter” is one of the greatest records he has done. Mad emotion into that record, I really like it. So truthfully and I felt that way in July when my uncle died. Just everything was so cold and I didn’t even want to be around people. I guess it was a cold summer for me.

To conclude, 808’s And Heartbreak is by no means a decent album. But the songs that really touch you, really do touch you. Listening to some of these records I feel or I have felt that way so its easy to relate to for me. Monday, Kanye will be getting my money. I’ll never listen to it straight through again. It’ll get the “Digi Snax” treatment, just put on the shelf with the other cds.